Some people smuggle diamonds. Some gold. Me? 小兔子（lil rabbits).
Wifey sent me on a quest: “Go get me a rabbit” so here I am in Hong Kong, sweating in my suit in 70F while the locals don scarves and North Face the size of the Stay Puff marshmallow man, hobbling up and down hills in Lan Kwai Fong on a severely disabled knee, in search of a very elusive rabbit which, considering their mating habits and the number of Starbucks, seems extremely odd. Now you have to understand a few things:
First, when my wife says do something words like no, I tried, I can’t, I didn’t have money for cab fare, locusts, a terrible flood, it’s not my fault!! do not fly. It is easier to teach a Mainlander to stop spitting on the sidewalk then to change my wife’s course of direction so you are better off just getting it done.
Second, we seem to be amassing quite a collection of bearistas (Starbucks bears). We’re not sure exactly how it started. They seemed very cute, lil bears dressed up as anything except a bear (although there’s an idea, do a bear dressed as a Starbucks bear). Then we had to have the new years bears. Then the cities we visited. Then came a child and she needed hers. Then there was a bat purchase on Ebay. Two tigers. Then our friends encouraged our small fetish with very generous gifts and now they have multiplied like rabbits :) and we have several bears aligned on the bookshelves not really matching the decor and prompting kiddo to sound, “too much bears Mommy!”
Finally, with all these bears we of course do not have “the one.” This is the Year of the Rabbit and wifey belongs to rabbit. (NOTE: You say “I belong to rabbit” as your animal in Chinese, not “I am a rabbit.” Probably had something to do with members of the Year of the Cock getting mad about sentence phrasing, who knows). Anyway, we had to get the rabbit. Easy right? Just go to coffee nirvana and buy one. Four stores later I haven’t bought one much less even seen one. The report back home, in an attempt to prep my own honey bear that I may not be able to bring one back, was less than fruitful. I can’t be sure, but I’m pretty sure I heard something like “you come back with my bunny or your sleeping with the fishes,” but it may have been the Skype connection. So, day 2 and I am beginning to doubt they even exist. Then after work, falling down the hills in Central on my bum knee I try another Starbucks. I don’t see one on the shelves (no surprise) so I stand in line to ask again. I feel foolish in line especially since my new years resolution to give up Starbucks (whole other story).
ME: Do you have the stuffed bear for CNY?
16YEAROLD: What? Oh! (shows me a rabbit bank).
ME: No. The doll. The bunny??
…Waves down his colleague obviously exasperated with the two English words he used…
16YEAROLDENGLISHSPEAKER: Hi!
ME: Do you have the bunny doll?
HER: Sorry, we are sold out.
ME: Oh! So you had it? (they do exist!)
HER: Yes, but not anymore, sorry.
Maybe it’s the utter look of disappoint in the eyes of a man who will be lucky if the locks aren’t changed when he gets home or the fact that she sees that I’m not going to buy anything and she doesn’t have to make another triple venti double fat double black chocolate whip mocha extra hot, but she says she could call another store. She started to dial, then dial again, then again. Three stores and no luck. “How about the Valentines bear? They have it at IFC?” I explain the concept of marriage and how chocolate chip is not cookie dough ice cream and say no. She then yells at her colleague in Cantonese. It sounds like a Dr. Seuss book reading, “Luke’s luck likes lick lakes long john silver lil bow wow shamma lamma ding dong.” He pulls out his own cellphone and starts dialing as well. Still no bunny. I head out.
Half way down the hill to the MTR Mr. two-words of English taps me on the shoulder saying something about my phone number. I try Mandarin. The wave of relief that washes over his face when he realizes he’s not going to have to do a round of Pictionary to get me to understand is amazing. I give him my card and HK number and he tells me they will keep trying and call me if they find a place. Wow! Service is all I can think of. Now if we don’t find one it won’t be for lack of trying. Deep underground on L2 in the MTR where only in Asia can cellphones still work I hear my Super Mario Brothers ringtone and answer. They found one! It’s on hold and only one stop away. Last one! I race over like a contestant on Amazing Race and there he/she is in the to-go bag waiting to be taken to all his brothers and sisters in America. Now all I have to do is provide a Presidential escort for Tutu (tuzi is Chinese for bunny, ask Gioia) and make sure he gets home, but at least I have proof.
Thank you Starbucks for not only all the years of cocaine you call sweetener fueling my addiction but now our second vice of bearistas that have less resale value then a 2011 beanie baby yet we love them anyway. Special thanks to the two in LKF that must have called 20 shops to help a crazy foreigner. Hope you all have a fantastic year of the rabbit and whatever you do, do it like bunnys. 新年快樂!
After the meltdown at the soccer camp with the “lil kickers” bunny. Baby G has bounced back and overcome her fear of men in suits. Her first question, “Why is one hand soft and one hand not soft?”. Why indeed lil G.
Highs: Tech beats NC State Baby G plays soccer G runs real fast in the Leprechaun Leap Facepainting!! Birthday dinner with cousins and sis
Lows: Tech loses to Duke Kicker the 6ft bunny scares the crap outta my kid.
— A few weeks ago, B went to France and I had G all to myself for 10 days! The result was we could do what we wanted when we wanted with no schedule and it was great! During that time I discovered that G had finally figured out there is a difference between Chinese and English. I say “finally,” but at the time she was only 21 months, so really I am a lil strict :) Before this time she had been using words interchangeably. “No” was “Bu Yao” and vise-versa, but we had started to notice that she would make a funny face when Chinese came out of Mommy’s mouth. Almost as if to say, “Aren’t you the English speaking one? What’s going on here?” All this indicated to us that she was not simply learning the words, she was identifying that certain times she should use English and certain times Chinese.
Then came reading time. It started by asking her what the Chinese word was for cat (easy: mao1). When she got that right I kept asking (bunny=tu, doggie=gou gou, etc..) and she kept getting them right! So much so that I would ask words “I” did not know and she would still tell me! The minute Mommy got in the car back from France we had a quiz ALL THE WAY HOME. G aced it! The problem? we could not think of enough animals to keep the game going, so we switched to colors and objects (car, bicycle, table, chair) and anything else we could think of.
Now you can ask her in Chinese or English for either word and she will tell you. We just went to the zoo and she is teaching us words like ban ma (zebra) and he ma (hippopotamus). Who taught her the Chinese AND English for hippopotamus? I can barely type it much less say it. Even when she is wrong she is close. She repeatedly thinks “bus”=”hou che” (wrong, bus=gong gong qi che, train=hou che). I mean come on, how are you going to get into Tech if you can’t say, “gong gong qi che?” at 21 months, geez ;)
Coming back from breakfast we found the crazy lady walking her bunny. I say crazy because she thinks walking our dog is strange and a lil kid shouldn’t chase rabbits. “Bunnies are very nervous.” Really? Bunnies are very skittish creatures that will bolt when a 1 year old comes running after them? I did not know that!
The other thing is she (like all of Taiwan) tells me that the “wind is strong” and this is why G has a cough. Yeah, yeah I have heard it before. I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact that she goes to school with 100 other coughing kids, no, no.
Just let us pet the bunny before I sic my dog on you.
Dear People of Taiwan, Please learn a lesson that everyone else on the planet (well, in the cold places anyway) seemed to have learned in the 5th grade. ~Being outside in the cold does not give you a cold!~
The picture above was taken in Taipei and is from this article. Based on what I see on the street this lady was UNDER dressed. The interesting fact about this picture is it was taken yesterday! Meaning two days ~before~ the supposed “cold snap” when it was like 20 degrees outside (68F). For the record I went to workout in my shorts and t-shirt. My question is: if that is what they wear when it is hot what will they wear this weekend? I will admit that 10C planned for this weekend is a bit on the cold side, but coming from Chi-town where any double digit (F) day is a “good day,” Taipei is nothing. The mask also gets me. I can understand the scarf (I mean if we were in NY or something), but the mask? for the cold? How does that work?
As far as I am concerned, I have told the guard downstairs who berates me each time I go out without a jacket, “Call me when it is 0″.
The biggest disappointment is how so many people still believe (and tell me 1000 times) that you will get sick if it is too cold outside (and so will my wife, my baby, the dog, and I even think someone mentioned the toy bunny). So, to rehash what the rest of the free world knows, please do 1 Google search and read this.
Dear People of Taiwan,